6 things you don't want to hear, and 6 things to ensure you don't hear them

It occurred to me that while everyone will tell you that the time to worry about a child is when he is quiet, this is not necessarily so with twins. Outside of something drastic, the time to worry with twins, particularly boys I think, is when they are WHISPERING. Yes, it's the little exchanges they share that you can barely hear--those are the ones that should raise an eyebrow, as rest assured, they are up to something.

But I also guarantee you that if you ask them what they're up to, you will get the pat response, "Nothing." So the best you can do is wait to hear gems like these to alert you to trouble. And lucky for you, I've already heard these gems and lived through them to know what's required so that YOU (hopefully!) don't have to hear them also! Here goes...

1) "It went down the hole Mommy!"
This phrase I've learned is directly associated to water, and to the drainage system for that water. It can be a bathtub, a sink, a hot tub, a pool, an outdoor shower--you get the point. It's amazing how expensive that little 3-pack of Carter's washcloths becomes when one of them has traversed the pipe leaving your bathtub. Solution? Without even giving it another thought, go out and buy drain catches in all shapes and sizes and install them. The key is to make them appear to be permanent fixtures to your little cherubs, but you ideally want to be able to remove them.

2) "The potty won't flush!"
I could've included this in #1 above, as yes, things seem to wind up down this hole, too. But the problem is that you really can't employ a drain catch here, can you? So this requires a different solution. And no, you will not be able to keep every possible item out of the "look! there it goes!" game that children (ok, my children) love to play with the toilet. But one simple thing you can do is purchase that "1,000 sheets lasts longer" & "safe for septics!" Scott's toilet paper. It's simple things like this that can save you some aggravation. Take it from one who has spent a few times digging wads of Charmin Ultra out of the porcelain funnel. Buy the Scott's. And lock the "grown-up" bathrooms where you do decide to keep the Charmin's.

3) "My juice box is empty! Where'd it go?"
This seems innocent at first--"what? did he drink it?" you think. Then you see the long stream of drippy wetness on the table, and the floor, and... First off, try to give a child a "portable" beverage and think that he will sit properly at a table without moving--particularly when it's not a mealtime of any sort. And you could try to always use sippy cups. But unfortunately there comes a time when the convenience of juice boxes becomes appealing--and this usually occurs when your kids are at that "bridge" stage--i.e., too old for sippy's, not quite old enough to be toting around uncovered glasses. If you don't want to find that 100% no-sugar-added juice you searched all over for all over your floor, buy those Juice Pal juice box holders. They're inexpensive and indispensible. And they're available at places like One Step Ahead (http://www.onestepahead.com/)

4) Whispering.
I mentioned this earlier. An easy solution? An intercom system that allows for monitoring. These don't have to be pricey, and in a house with a lot of steps, they really come in handy--even for their original purpose as an intercom. The intercom system I have has a little "lock" feature that allows continual monitoring. The beauty of it is that you can almost hear a pin drop with the thing. So when I hear comments like "look! it's a screwdriver!" I know that I have 3.8 seconds to get to wherever the sound originated from to ward off any damage or injury. The key here is to get an intercom system--not a baby monitor. The baby monitors tend to pick up too much interference--at least the ones I've used--they're great for babies, but you'll want hit the big leagues for your little leaguers.

5) "The remote is empty Mommy, look!"
This can apply to anything that requires batteries. But most things with batteries that kids get their hands on are things that you really don't mind if the batteries get lost. The remote controls you have, however, are another story. If you're like me, you have a remote for the following: televisions, stereo system, DVD player, VCR player (still have one of those), garage door opener, central air system, am I missing any? One little solution that seems like a no-brainer but is easily overlooked is...Velcro! Yes, do yourself a favor and find a nice spot--perhaps a centralized closet space--and throw some velcro strips on the wall. Place the "partner" piece of the velcro on the back of the remotes. Hang the remotes up. Yes, it requires some diligence to re-hang them up after use, but trust me, you won't lose a remote or find one without its batteries ever again!

6) "Look Mommy! A bind!"
One of my little guys is working on better enunciation of his "L"s. So at first glance, this is a bit unintelligible. But when you realize he means "blind", you begin to understand. And what you understand is that another slat of your blinds--usually vertical ones--is now down and there is not a prayer in you-know-what of it returning to its original state in front of your window. Solution? In addition to it being much safer to not have long blind and drapery cords around little children, it's also better to avoid them so you don't have to watch them become irreparably dismantled. TAKE THEM DOWN. Verticals, venetians, all of them. Put up anything else, but get rid of the blinds. If you don't, your little twosome will.

Easy Writer

I try my darndest to incorporate "educational fun" into whatever activities the kids might be doing. It doesn't always work out that way, but I try.

Here's something super-simple that'll keep kids occupied for hours on end while providing an opportunity for learning: chalkboard paint. I'm always surprised by how few people actually use the stuff--it's great! We had a door off our kitchen that was just awful--however, when painted with chalkboard paint (go Home Depot!) and accompanied by some dust-free chalk, it became a veritable magnet for the kids and our kitchen was transformed into "Schoolhouse Rock" (in a good way).

So now, no matter what I might be doing in the kitchen, I can usually count on my kids playing school or drawing holiday-themed decorations or simply scribbling away. It's also been great to help teach our kids Dutch, Spanish and some French--and we sometimes play "what's that sign?" to practice ASL. All in all, you can't beat it. If you can find even a 3' x 4' area or so, that's all it takes. And in close to 5 years, I've only touched the paint up once. Oh, and the chalk wipes off easily with a damp cloth.

Decorating...here we go again!

Ok, this time it's not about holiday decorating. It's about your kids' rooms--when they get to that certain age and realize they can vocalize their feelings on how they'd like their rooms to look.

My daughter is at that age. Unfortunately for her, we moved into our house just prior to having the twins--so, of course, our focus was on the twins' nursery-to-be. I didn't go all out as I wasn't really sure anyway what to do for a room that would have not one, but two babies. But I did at least paint the room. A nice cheerful shade of blue--not pastel (too traditional baby)...not navy (too "wait-till-they're-7")--but a nice shade none the less. And it looked lovely--at least for the time being until the boys actually came and actually grew and actually became boys who were actually quite rambunctious and actually broke things. But I digress.

The key is, it looked nice. My daughter, being no fool, immediately saw the contrast between the boys' room and her white-walled boudoir. This translated immediately into a cry for a yellow room. I'm pretty quick on my feet so I tried to explain to her that her room was not white, but "a whiter shade of pale" (with a nod to Procol Harum) and that she should appreciate the blissful dichotomy of its subtle yet overbearing nature. Alas she is no fool. She said, "Mom!" (which somehow became a two-syllable word) "it's WHITE! Can't you see?" It was not the first time I had no comeback for her.

Somehow fortune was on my side a mere few weeks after this discussion as I sauntered down an aisle at a "Dollar Store". I was searching for party decorations upon the advice of several other mothers and, as luck would have it, there in front of my eyes was a knock-off version of Wallies! In many design options! My mind started racing. Most options were "country"-style borders (not my taste at all) or the usual seashells, herbs, abc's in pastels...you get the picture. But tucked in the middle of the display was a wonderful set of colorful gerberas and an alphabet set to match! Again, I note, this was in the DOLLAR STORE--so you know how much these self-stick, removable wall decals cost! I snatched them up (almost every last one of them), bought them all (sans any party crap), and raced home.

When my daughter returned home from school I surprised her and she was beside herself with glee. I helped her come up with words or phrases to spell out on her walls--like "reading spot" for where she keeps some of her books or "take a snooze" by her bed (see pics). And we randomly put the gerberas on the walls, too. She loved it.

The best part? I loved it. Simple. Cheap. No need to paint. A lot of happiness for basically zero effort. And if we move or paint or...? They peel right off.

Baby Alive Needs a Mommy Alive

So it's been a week of holiday festivities and frivolity and we've had a new addition to our family! For those of you who know me, no, you did not miss my pregnancy and no, we did not adopt another child. Rather, we've become the proud parents of a new...BABY ALIVE! I say "we" because once Santa brings your daughter a Baby Alive (BA), it does indeed take a village.

For those of you who are not familiar with this little tyke, she's reminiscent of that Sassy Susan doll of yore in size and coif. However, BA has eyes right out of some Japanese cartoon or comic--they just seem unnaturally large for what's supposed to be a natural-looking babe. I had to first get over that. Then, to my naivete, I had not kept up on all the BA hype enough to to absorb the fact that she...poops! Yes, she POOPS! Just like the original from the mid-70's. And I now know why my own mother never got me one. We're not talking about those dolls that "drink" water and then (oops!) "pee" it out neatly on the other end. We're talking poop: whatever color you feed her is whatever color (& consistency) you find on the other end.

And here's the "gotcha!" glitch for her real parents with real wallets: HER DIAPERS ARE NOT REUSABLE!!! Now, that is stated on the package--but not in anything larger than say, 12 pt type. So when you have your first trial run (no pun intended) you realize you cannot wash and re-wear. Then you realize Hasbro has only given you TWO diapers to start and BA has just sent one to a landfill. So you're hearing "Mommy! Let's feed her the peas now! Please! PLEASE!" while you're mentally processing the fact that after the peas, BA will have to starve for a while and your daughter will be despondent.

For a fleeting moment, I entertained the thought of making some washable diapers--complete with velcro tabs. I figured I'd already earned my Fed-Ex stripes from having boxes (& boxes!) of diapers shipped to my door for the twins and I was not about to repeat that, even if on a miniature scale. Fortunately for me, my daughter would rather curl up with a book or feed her starving Webkins brood--even if she only gets to do so for 30 minutes at a time. So the "Mom, can we buy Baby Alive more diapers?" whine only lasted for days 1 & 2 of her newly found motherhood. There is a higher power.

And so I feel guilty that BA is not getting enough love.

Not sure if I would've let Santa bless us with this little cherub had I been eyes-wide-open on all her needs. But then I also would not have had the harrowing life-flashing-before-me experience of hearing my daughter say, "Mommy! This means you're a grandmother!!"